


Won't you say goodnight? So I can say goodbye.

by artsyspikedhair



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Depression, F/F, Friendship/Love, Internalized Homophobia, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Twenty one pilots references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-07-11 03:49:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7027291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyspikedhair/pseuds/artsyspikedhair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Riley and Maya spent the summer before high school separated. Maya worked for Topanga's, painting and dealing with her feelings. Riley spent the summer... also dealing with her feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Won't you say goodnight? So I can say goodbye.

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from Anathema by twenty one pilots. Expect more references within.

Riley and Maya usually spent summers rather separated. Riley's family went on vacations, and sometimes Maya wasn't invited. Maya enjoyed spending Summer's on the streets of New York, exploring the alleyways and lying to tourists. (They don't call her the bad one for nothing, she does have a reputation, and a life without Riley.) They usually met up again in August.

The summer after middle school was slightly different. Maya was hired to make paintings for Topanga's, because the artsy rich kids had started hanging out there during the summer, without buying anything,and Katy, who was running Topanga's in Topanga's absence, wanted to get their money. Maya, contrary to what many believe about artists, took a long time on each painting, but she got 80% of the profit, and the paintings ended up costing a lot. The rich artsy kids liked them, and bought them. The art also made the restaurant look more appealing. It was Maya's dream job, and it was a reality.

However, Maya also spent a lot of time thinking about her feelings. Her feelings for Lucas, or, more precisely, her lack of feelings for Lucas. She did like Lucas, but she didn't feel the way Riley had described feeling for Lucas. She considered the idea of letting Riley date Lucas, and felt a knot of jealousy when she thought of it. That much was clear. She missed Riley a lot, which wasn't new, but also spent a lot of time daydreaming about kissing her, versus kissing Lucas, and thinking about who she'd rather kiss. The answer was Riley, and this was new. She tried to take these feelings and forget about them, but they seeped out in her paintings of golden girls, ropes tied around a boy that looked a lot like Huckleberry, and a bunch of paintings of hell. She didn't want this, but, by the end of July, she figured these feelings were here to stay so why not make some money off of them? 

Maya ended up not seeing Riley in most of August. The Matthews' had stayed with Riley's grandparents for most of June and July, like always, but they were supposed to be back by then. Maya went in through Riley's window a couple times, and Riley was sleeping. She tried to wake Riley up, and at once succeeded, but then Riley just mumbled "Haven't you taken enough from me?" before realizing who it was. When she saw Maya was there she got up and the two talked for a while about trivial things. Maya had missed this, and so had Riley. She stayed for dinner, but left soon afterward, feeling guilty about being so happy with Riley. 

Maya had so many feelings and she couldn't confide in Riley now because the feelings were for her. So she met up with Farkle, who allowed her to confess all her perceived sins without judging her. He had seen this coming, and was also dealing with problems of his own, regarding Smackle. Maya helped him decide to break up with her. The two of them had a blast, and Maya was looking forward to high school. 

Riley, unfortunately, was not as lucky as Maya. She had been silently suffering all summer, dreadfully unhappy and tired and unsure why. Hanging out with Maya made her happy at first, but it also brought on feelings she had been ignoring. She had, at her grandparents', had developed a secret habit of cutting herself to deal with her emotions, and, although she usually avoided places people could see, after meeting with Maya she savagely attacked her arms, filled with rage and hopeless about her situation. She went directly to sleep after putting on a bunch of band aids. 

It being summer, nobody woke her up. She woke up already regretting what she had done. She had gone vertical for the first time, but the band aids held. She wore a long-sleeved shirt, and luckily it was cold for August, so she didn't raise suspicion. 

The first day of school came frighteningly quickly. Maya went to Riley's house for breakfast and to walk to school together, as was custom. Cory made a quip about how he thought they'd broken up, earning an uncharacteristic glare from Riley. 

It was Topanga that made the first comment. "Honey, aren't you gonna be hot in that?" Riley said nothing, grabbing Maya's hand and running out the door. 

"What was that?" Maya asked, remembering the last time Riley acted this weird and feeling a growing sense of concern.

"Nothing," Riley said, nervous in Maya's presence that she might sense Riley's feelings for her. It was unrealistic, but Riley figured Maya could leave at any time. And without Maya,Riley might kill herself. She really might. 

Maya could tell something was wrong. "Riley, it's August and you're wearing a turtleneck. Tell me what's wrong or I'm taking you straight to your father's office when we get to school. And you do not want a reputation of daddy's girl on high school." 

Riley decided to cut her losses early and go the same route she did with Rileytown. "Fine, you want to know what's wrong? It's you, and your perfect hair, and the way you sound just like my mother, and god, I hate you!" 

Maya was almost crying now, because she could see Riley's self-hatred on her face as she said this. Riles was breaking, and it was Maya's fault. Still, Maya seemed calm on the outside. "Riles, you've done this before. I've said this before and I'll say it again. I love you. I always have and I always will. I can take it. I am never going to stop being yours unless you want me to. I just want to know what's wrong!" 

Riley was stuck on Maya's previous words. "What do you mean?" 

"Honey, we are not playing this game." 

"Maya, you said you love me. In what way?" 

Maya was now the one whose brain was traveling a mile a minute. But she eventually said "In every way. I love you like a best friend and a sister and, if you'll not hate me for it, a girlfriend. I love you in any way you'll let me. Now, honey, what the hell is wrong?!" 

"I... I love you like a girlfriend too. But something's messed up in my head. I just... It's like I'm stuck in this void, and there's only one way I can find light for even a moment, and that way just leaves me more empty than before." 

Maya suddenly realized what Riley meant. She was scared. She was happy Riley trusted her with this, but she was terrified. "What way? Riley, what is this you're talking about?" 

"I'll show you." She was terrified, but she rolled up her sleeves. All that was left of that night were scars, and she hadn't done anything worse than picking at them since. They were pink and raised and Riley felt both horrified and a sick sense of pride looking at them. She made those.

"Riles..." 

"Peaches, can we please just hold hands and go start our first day of high school, without being late?" 

"Sure, but we'll have to run. And you'll need to stop doing this." 

"I'll try," she said, and grabbed the shorter girl's hand. And they made it.


End file.
